Without You
by ReeceLovesFinn
Summary: Puck and Finn tried to be together once, but it went horribly wrong. Now, Puck's realized he's in love with Finn, but Finn's moved on to someone else... Is Puck too late? Or can he win Finn back? Rated M for later chapters. I don't own Glee. Please review


**Hey guys! So, I'm back finally :). It took me a while to come up with new ideas for a story, but I have a few good ones now and this is just the first :). Expect to see a few stories surface from me pretty soon, provided I actually find the time to write them. I plan on this being a multi-chapter fic, not sure how long it's gonna be yet, but probably longer than my first Finn/Puck story. Hope you all enjoy! Pleeeease review, I absolutely love reading them! :). As always, I do not own Glee or Melissa Etheridge's song, for that matter, lol. **

**Chapter 1 **

So, Puck's not really sure how he got to this point. This totally desperate, not-at-all-badass, rock bottom point that he is reached in his life, that is. But no matter the cause, Puck had somehow ended up singing a rather emotional song in front of all of Glee club that fateful week.

He told himself he was doing it for Santana. As strange as it was, she had practically become his best friend after...certain events had occurred last year and, as much as it pained him to admit, Puck wasn't sure what he would do without her. San was having a hard time coming out of the closet and if a song from him was gonna help her out, then fuck looking like a complete loser in front of everyone, Puck would fucking sing her a song.

Even though the song was partially for Santana, he knew it was more for someone else. Someone who meant everything to him and who he had fucked things up with royally. So, Puck continued singing "I'm the Only One" with his awesome guitar, hoping the person he had fucked things up with so badly really was too stupid to realize this song was actually about him. _Not sure how he could possibly not notice, haven't fucking been able to stop staring at him like a fucking retard the entire time..._ Puck thought bitterly. He continued strumming his guitar and belting out the song with his amazing voice, actually kneeling down in front of his boy at one point, for some idiotic fucking reason, and singing the song directly to him! Luckily, nobody seemed to notice anything, they probably just all thought he was singing the song to the girl sitting next to him or something...yeah, that would make sense...

To back track for a second, yes, he did say this rather emotional song was for a _him_, so shut the fuck up already. So maybe he's a little gay, big fucking deal, it was really only for one person anyway so it's not like it really means he's totally gay or anything...right? Right, yeah, that's gotta be right... He still likes chicks, and boobs. Yeah, boobs are fucking awesome. Definitely not totally gay.

_Just gay for your fucking ex-best friend, who's taken by the way, that's really soooo much better_, Puck thought to himself as he felt a pang of jealous coarse through his entire body as he remembered _his_ boy's new boyfriend. Fucking Josh or John or Jason or something stupid like that, who the fuck even cares anyway...

Except that was total bullshit, cause Puck totally cared, way too much. He knew the guys name, not like he could ever fucking forget it in the first place... _Jeremy Hunt. _What a completely stupid, bullshit name. That dude's an asshole. Except Puck knows he's totally not, even though he's only met him a couple of times. The dude's practically fucking perfect, with his stupid fucking amazing voice that was blazing a new trial for the Dalton Academy Warblers and his fucking kind personality and witty sense of humour...he makes Puck sick. What does that dude he have that he doesn't have? He's way more badass than that idiot. Except... Finn doesn't care about badassness... He just wants someone who will treat him right, and Puck had definitely fucked that up.

He really wished things had been different He wished he had never started things up with his best friend in the first place. He wished he had never been such a dick to him while they were secretly "dating". He wished he had shown him how much the boy meant to him while they were still together. But most of all, he wished he had told Finn Hudson everyday how much he meant to him, how much he... loves... him.

Yeah, so the guy he's...well, you know...is Finn. As if that should come as any kind of fucking shock. Puck got a little nervous thinking about his feelings for the boy though. He knew it was true, he really was in love with Finn and there was no denying it anymore, he just... wasn't totally comfortable with it yet. Even after all this time... He was getting there though, he really was. At least he could admit it to himself now, he certainly wasn't capable of that at _all_ last year, that was for damn sure.

As the song was drawing to a close, Puck continued to stare intently at his boy. He was desperately trying to catch the boy's eyes, but said boy remained adamant in his ignoring of Puck and refused to look anywhere near him, averting his eyes to every other surface in the room it seemed. The action hurt Puck's heart more than he would like to admit. So, he went back to pretending he was singing the song to Shelby or Quinn, which he had been doing periodically throughout just to cover his tracks and ensure that no one (except maybe San) knew who he was _really_ singing it to.

Finally the song drew to a close, and Puck breathed a content sigh of relief. He felt he had actually done a pretty good job of it, and judging from all of the Glee club's applause and praise, he was thinking he was right. Puck smiled and thanked everyone, almost accidentally revealing who the song was actually for before covering it and saying Santana's name in the nick of time, before heading towards his seat. Puck sank down in between San and Quinn, who both smiled kindly at him and whispered their praises. San gave him a look that said it all: _We are SO having a chat after this is over asshole_. Puck merely smiled back and nodded, he knew that was probably an inevitability after the song he had just chosen to sing.

Soon Glee club was adjourned for the day and Mr. Schue dismissed everyone, thanking Finn profusely for organizing all of this for Santana. That was the other thing - this whole Finn organizing this New Directions benefit thing to help Santana, his best friend essentially, come out of the closet only made him miss and want Finn back more... He fucking hated feeling this way, like some pathetic and desperate girl or some shit. He couldn't help it though, seeing Finn act like a leader and be all sympathetic towards his best friend's struggles not only melted Puck's heart (shut the fuck up, it's not like he could help it), it also kind of turned him on. This was soooo fucking bad!

As Puck was leaving the school and heading out to his truck in the parking lot, he heard a familiar voice shout somewhere behind him.

"Hey Puckerman, could you slow the fuck down for a second? I am clearly trying to catch up to you, you asshole," Santana yelled, and he turned around upon hearing her shouting and smiled his sly smile at her. She sped up a bit and caught up to him just as he was yanking the door of his truck open.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going Puckerman? You did not honestly think you could pull that shit and then just run off did you? You forget I know you're nasty little secret, and let me just say, it is a truly foul one Puckerman. I mean you and the Hamburgler? My lunch is threatening to resurface at the mere thought of you two together," Santana said with a grimace, grabbing her stomach playfully for emphasis. Puck knew she was only kidding, she had made her peace with him and Finn being together long ago, but it still stung a little. He didn't like anyone insulting his boy...well no one except him, that is.

"Hey, I fucking told you not to call him that," Puck said with a small smirk to show that he wasn't really angry. "And yeah, yeah, well get in then bitch cause I ain't talking about this shit here," Puck said as he made his way into his truck and watched as Santana walked around the front of his trunk to get into the passenger seat.

Once they were both securely in the vehicle, Puck peeled out of the parking lot at a quick speed. He was still a badass after all, even if he did have stupid fucking feelings now, and badasses speed in school zones. It's practically a fucking rule or some shit.

Once they had made it out of the school zone alive and were driving along the streets of Lima at a somewhat slower speed, Santana instantly started in on Puck again. "So, what the fuck was that all about Puckerman? Pretty sure Pillsbury Dough Boy is dating that fancy gay guy from Dalton, so I know the two of you can't be back to doing the nasty with one another again... And yet you were most definitely still singing that song to him like the pansy ass bitch you've now become... Care to fill me in here?" Santana said as though she were thinking out loud and not actually speaking to Puck at all, gazing intently out the truck window as Lima, Ohio passed by in a blur.

Puck rolled his eyes and gave Santana a little shove to show her he wasn't fazed by her insult. He knew she had only been kidding...well, mostly. "Yeah, Finn's still dating what's-his-face or whatever, so no, we're not 'doing the nasty' anymore...," Puck said rather irritably, trying not to let his obvious jealousy show too much to Santana seeing as how she would only mock him for it. "Doesn't mean I don't still wanna be though...," Puck mumbled out with a slight blush as he stared out the front windshield and put all of his attention into driving, praying that by some miracle Santana hadn't heard what he had just let slip. _Fuck! Good going ya moron! _Puck scolded himself for being so careless.

"Ah ha! That's it, I knew it! You want back in fetus face's pants! You fucking want him back! Wow...I didn't think it was possibly for you to get any lamer Puckerman, but you just proved me wrong. You are such a girl, and that says a lot coming from me," Santana cried in triumph with an arrogant smirk on her face as she turned her whole body towards Puck in her seat so that she could witness his embarrassment head on.

"Shut the fuck up, it's not a big deal, just let it go San. I swear, you can be such a bitch sometimes, I don't even know why I put up with your shit half the time...," Puck grumbled angrily as he continued to blush and avoid Santana's superior, triumphant gaze.

"Umm, because I'm fucking awesome and you love me dumbass! Not as much as you love Finnessa though, am I right?" Santana announced as she smiled even wider and relaxed back into her seat.

"Stop fucking calling him that...," Puck responded lamely with a mumble, still refusing to look at Santana as he slouched into his seat, wondering if it was possible to die of embarrassment. What else was he supposed to do? Santana had him back into a corner. He couldn't lie and deny her claim, she would see right through that. He was fucked.

"The fact that you're not denying it only proves my point," Santana gloated as she starting admiring her nails. "Oh please, it's not like I didn't already know! You think I don't see the way you look at him all the time, pining away for him? It'd be almost pathetic if...," Santana trailed off, just when Puck thought that maybe she was gonna say something nice. He would never know though, as she never finished the thought.

"Look, I get it okay? God knows I know how you feel, falling for your best friend... Just look at me and Britt for fuck sakes. I love that girl just as much as you love Finn, so if anyone knows what you're going through, it's me. So, and I'm only gonna say this once cause I'm cringing at the mere thought of it, I'm...here for you, okay? For whatever you need, any time, day or night. You just call and I'll be there. I know how much he meant to, how much he still means to you and I know this can't be easy. So...I'm fucking here, alright?" Santana said with pure sincerity as she stopped playing with her nails to look Puck directly in the eyes. They had just arrived back at his house and were not just sitting parked in the driveway.

It was moment's like this that reminded Puck why he loved Santana and why she was his best friend. Yeah, she could be a total bitch sometimes, but deep down she was actually a really good person. She genuinely cared about Puck and he cared about her too. During and after the Finn thing, Santana had stuck by him and had, essentially, kept him going. He really couldn't thank her enough for everything she had done for him.

"Thanks San, that means a lot," Puck said as he smiled at her from his seat, blushing slightly yet again. _What the fuck is with all this emotional shit making me blush? It is so not badass, it really needs to stop now_, Puck thought to himself in embarrassment.

"Anytime," Santana said as she smiled right back. "But if you think we're gonna hug this shit out or whatever, think again Puckerman, cause that would just be way too gay, even for the two of us," Santana said with a smirk, and Puck greatly appreciated her attempt to lighten the mood.

"'Course not, the Puckasaurus does not do hugs," Puck smirked right back as he sat up and started to get ready to exit the truck. "I take it you're staying the night?" Puck asked.

"Yeah, of course," Santana smirked and she reached for her door handle. Before she could open it though, Puck noticed her expression change into one of confusion and she turned back to him before he could open his own door.

"Hey, what was with that song choice ya dumbass? It made it sound like you were the one who got dumped and left behind or some shit, when you and I both know that Finnessa was the betrayed lover in all this," Santana exclaimed, confusion continuing to spread across her face and seep into her deep brown eyes.

"Yeah, I know, you're right... I totally fucked everything up San. I just...wanted to show Finn that I was...that I was so fucking sorry, for everything. Plus, it was the only song that was performed by a lesbian that even remotely went with our situation, so yeah...," Puck admitted truthfully as he slumped back into his seat again, sadness etched all over his handsome face.

"You really want him back don't you? Like, for real this time?" Santana asked in a surprised tone, as if she was just realizing this fully for the first time.

Puck looked at her right in the eyes to let her know how was, in fact, being sincere. "I love him, San. As fucking messed up and stupid that is, I am fucking in love with that moron. I do want him back... but I don't deserve to have him back. I don't deserve him at all," Puck announced with conviction, sadness fully expressed in his face and voice now.

With that, Puck finally pulled himself out of his truck and started making his way up the pathway to his house. Tears had begun to form in Puck's eyes, and he angrily shoved them away as he made his way to his front door. He heard Santana's car door slam and knew she was following behind him. He knew what he had told her was the truth. After everything that had happened last year, after everything he had put Finn through, there was no way they would ever be together again. Not after he had so carelessly broken Finn's heart...


End file.
